Quote: When we are unable to clearly identify what is enough of anything, it can feel more and more difficult to recognize when to stop striving or grasping in our desperate pursuit of everything. Unless we feel some certainty that our work, our gift, our time, our relationships, are, at the end of the day, enough, we may never feel permission to stop. (Muller, 2010, p. 10)
In the Middle: In the middle of all of this change and transformation that I am going through moving from one province to another in my 52 week adventure, comes a summer break. I have one foot in Calgary, and the other in BC, and somewhere in the middle, I need to rest and have a holiday. I have been going at it pretty intensely to pull all of these changes together for this move. It is wise to step back and rejuvenate. To do so, I have chosen to enjoy my new little cottage on Pender Island, British Columbia. A lot of blood, sweat and tears have gone into finding and purchasing this place, so the time to enjoy the Gulf Islands is definitely during the summer. However, knowing how to take a holiday is sometimes more difficult for some than others. I fall in the former category.
I like Muller’s idea of taking a thermostat check in his book a life of being, having and doing enough (2010) that has us asking the essential question: “Where is the signal from our body, our heart, our inner knowing, that tells us we have done enough now? (p. 10). Mine has been turned off for quite some time. My life has been taken up filling people’s wells and being given every indication that my work is never done, and never enough. Being a caregiver in an underpaid and under-appreciated profession such as teaching, I have been conditioned to give relentlessly, even when I am tired, and even where the results may not be worth the effort. We get into this profession because we are caring people, and we are often taken advantage of by people who give too little back. Often we lose sight of what is really important in our own day to day lives. The question becomes, “How are we filling our own wells?”
In answer to Muller’s question of how do we know when we have or have done enough, I believe that we know when we have had enough when we are truly present in the experience and are satisfied by what we are experiencing in the moments that surround us. I have a niece visiting from Calgary, and she is busily planning the next thing and then the next thing, and so on, with perhaps the worry that if we are not always busy, we might be bored on this little island of paradise. I have to remind both of us that we do not need to do all of it to have a rewarding experience. If we do not get to all of it, we will have time tomorrow. And, if we don’t get to it tomorrow, we can focus on what we really want to do most tomorrow. This has been a bit of re-learning for both of us, as we navigate the precious week together, but it has reminded us of what really counts. We need to find what is important and authentic to us in the lived experience. As well, because it is our holiday, above all else, we need to know how to relax and enjoy our time together.
Watercolour Painting: We have been focussing on water colour painting. If you know anything about this type of painting, you know that it takes time. First, we need to spend quite a bit of time deciding the subject of our art. Then, there is the initial sketch. Next, there is the first very soft wash of background highlights and colour. After this, there is the next set of colours that move us into the foreground. Each layer of paint has to dry, and within the sessions, there comes a time of quiet contemplation. My niece is learning the patient art of painting in this fashion, and she sees that the urgency that we sometimes live in our lives cannot be played out in painting. Otherwise, it comes out too fast and the colour is too wet–too dark–intense. It leaves us nowhere to paint next when we try to do it all at once. Writing is similar as the living between drafts affords us time to listen and reflect on the words that are carefully constructed to articulate exactly what we think and feel. All fine art teaches us this patience to live in the middle of our drafts, just as I am learning to live in the middle of my experience moving from Calgary to BC. I am, right now, living between washes, and waiting for the next set of colours to bring my picture to life.
Pender Island: For now, I am on holidays on Pender Island. This island is where I have come back to over and over again since 2002. Having travelled quite a bit, and always being satisfied with seeing new places just once, Pender has always been different. Pender Island is a place where I need to come back. This homing pigeon instinct was a clear indication that this island is a place to set down some roots. It is a place of Orca whales, bald-headed eagles, porpoises, deer, racoons, and other wonderful wild birds and beasts. The temperature is mild, and the forests are full of lush greenery. The culture is simple and satisfied with itself, and there is a sense of abundance. All of BC seems hit with a recession at the moment that drives people away to other places during the winter; however, Pender Island has a special quiet to it that calls us all back. It is quiet except during thunder and lightning storms like the one this past week that made the whole cottage shake as if there was an earth quake. It has dozens of beaches, and perfect places to sit, sun tan, and contemplate next steps as I have been doing throughout the week.
Lesson: If we want to feel that there is enough happening in our lives, we need to be present in the experience so that we understand when we are truly satisfied. When we do so, our inner thermostat tells us that we are happy, healthy and very much alive.